A guy was asking for advice about how to handle the feeling of being at the bar all alone — below is my response. Notice how I have taken a seemingly bad situation, and instead of wallowing in bad emotions, I convert them into strengths.
I feel the exact same way as you whenever I am in the bar alone. I always thought that introverts had it easy — at least no one expects them to be talking to people lol
Here’s some tips to help:
-Notice the next time that you are there with a friend, but he is talking to someone else. Notice how that ‘I’m afraid of what people are thinking about me’ feeling isn’t there. It’s the same thing. Next time you are by yourself, just assume your actually there with best friends, but they are just out of view, talking to some other girl.
-Stay in ONE SPOT — people really won’t know if you are there waiting for someone or not. But if you walk around a whole lot, they will know very quickly
-Don’t look around a whole lot — that tells people that you are looking for somewhere fun to be.
Remember, even if you are alone, you are there with friends. That is your attitude. I have pulled girls solo out of bars almost as much as when I have friends. I even pulled a potential threesome one time, alone. I always act as if my friends are somewhere else, or they are late, or they are being dipshits and left.
I even sometimes tell her ‘ahhh, I think my friends left, I think I better go catch up to them soon‘ — pre-emptively using it as a push and thus proving to her that
1) I value my friends more than her
2) I am willing to leave her for my friends
3) It implicitly ‘proves’ to her that my friends actually exist (I’m taking the chance of losing her to follow them)– EVEN WHEN MY FRIENDS WERE NEVER EVEN THERE!!
Further, my ‘friends’ always just ‘happen’ to live like a quarter mile from where ever she happens to live. That way I can walk home with her, and it doesn’t look bad, I am going to go check if my friends are ok. Then SURE ENOUGH, we just start making out, and I act like I just got a text from them saying they are ok… but now that I am at her place, we might as well go in!
Any time she doubts that my friends exist, I just act like I am about to leave her and go see them — she is breaking the vibe and being accusatory, and my friends exist, so of course I’m ready to leave. This willingness to leave (as opposed to prove to her that they exist) actually proves to her they exist 5 times more effectively — even though they don’t!
Invisible friends are 1000 times better than real friends — they are the perfect wingman and never cockblock me!!
