What does the community tell you to do first (besides read ‘The Game‘ or ‘Mystery Method Handbook’)? Go out there and do 1000 approaches! Focus FIRST on approach anxiety. You will learn faster if you approach more.
This is WRONG.
It seems logical — it’s the first part of approaching a girl, so it’s the first part to learn.
But it is WRONG. Focusing on being able to approach is one of the last things you should be getting good at. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be approaching…. but you shouldn’t be allowing approaching to be the bottleneck in your process. As I will show you, you should be bolstering other, major parts of your game in diversified ways, rather than waiting until you can make it through the approach. You can learn dominance, social vibing, etc… in MANY more ways than simply talking to a hot girl.
If you are sitting at your computer playing games all day and then on Fridays and Saturdays running sets only on girls you would potentially like to have sex with , then you are taking the long way. You can be learning good social vibing and dominance by hanging out with guys slightly cooler than you are during the week, or by talking to strangers that you have zero attraction to — even older men, women, and yes, even fat girls. You can be practicing flirting by hanging out with a girl that you are already firmly in the ‘friend zone’ with. It’s not like the hot girl you approach has some magically different appreciation of the world than 98% of the population. A cool guy is a cool guy. A hot girl just has a higher expectation for the dominance of a man they will have sex with. That is a small adjustment that will come quickly after you have a solid foundation in ‘being cool’.
I just finished reading a FANTASTIC book called ‘Running Lean‘. It is a book about how to effectively start your own company, and it isn’t just spectacular, it is mind-blowing.
The guy who told me about it started his company in 2011 and is already making $5.3 million in revenues (as of March 2013). That was enough to get my attention 
Here’s where it ties into pick-up. You see, most people start a company by getting it all together, and then finally launching. But in fact, the best way is to repeatedly and quickly test the most valuable information at the lowest cost — it’s the reason that so many bands have great first albums, and then their second one sucks…. they got to test and edit those songs in front of audiences for years until they were perfect.
What is approaching a girl for 10 seconds going to teach you? What is approaching 1000 girls and talking to all of them for 10-60 seconds going to teach you? Very Little. If you wait until you are able to get through the approach stage first, for approach anxiety to disappear, you are delaying learning what is the most important part of game — understanding social vibing.
But because approach anxiety grabs so much emotional attention, it’s all we can focus on. But AA is only maybe 3% of game, once you are good.
Running Lean shows us we must focus on what characterizes the biggest determinant of success.
Approaches or AA is not the biggest determinant of success in pick-up — the biggest determinant of success is actually Social Vibing. 50% of your whole set will be Vibing. How much Vibing practice do you get when you are getting blown out in 10 seconds all night? Not much. Being able to vibe well opens up WAY more opportunity to learn, because your interactions will last much longer.
You can easily practice vibing, and at a cheap price — no approaches, no covers, no loud music. When you are hanging out with your guy friends, or people at work, or the old lady at the laundromat, you are vibing. Look at ALL that practice you are getting. Right now, you probably don’t even analyze it — it’s not a hot girl, so thus its unimportant right? Wrong. Unlike creating sexual tension, being able to vibe well is an international language. What if you started analyzing what was happening, how the vibe was being tweaked and shifted? What if you started noticing who had Judgment Authority and who was Pushing the Burden? Now you are getting 300 times as much practice every single day. Without having to approach an ounce, you are now learning to read what creates high social status and how to be emotionally in-touch with others without having to practice with a hot girl.
Then, when it comes time to approach, guess what? 50% of the solution is already in place. You don’t get blown out and immediately you can just immerse into the vibe. Is your game perfect? … of course not. But now you are getting 10 times the amount of practice inside the set. Now other girls are seeing you talking to other girls for longer and getting interested, and you can start focusing on the solution to things that are actually girl specific.
So many times, we are so linear — “the only way to get better with girls is to approach girls and to analyze what is happening with girls.” But that is bullshit. Of course, there are somethings that are being-with-a-girl specific — the approach, going for make-outs, bounces, the creation of sexual tension. But approximately 60-70% of it is completely common to other social situations — girls DO after all tend to choose high status men that vibe well. Things that are in common include — dominance, having the authority, not chasing, allowing others to think what they want, focusing on the vibe, etc… You can massively improve your practice in all of these in other social situations without having to approach a single girl at all.
The difference is focusing on what information is going to bring you the closest to the solution. 50% of what creates a successful set is good Vibing, maybe 20% is creating good sexual tension using two-dimensional push/pull, another 15 % is handling logistics, another 5% is escalation, another 5% building comfort, 3% is the approach and transition, and 2% is miscellaneous.
Using this — what skills should you be focusing on? Where should you be prioritizing learning?
The most emotionally relevant ones are the approach, and escalation. But how much knowledge does it take to learn these? How much time? Not much. How often do you get the opportunity to practice these?? Again, not much.
So if you wait to practice the last 90% of what is important only based on the slim opportunities that being good at the other 10% give you, it is going to be a LONG, HARD slog to the finish.
Am I saying not to approach? Not a chance, the whole approach and transition phase is a critical part of your game. But what I am saying is don’t depend on successful approaches to be the only door through which you are learning how to run game. It should be 10% of your practice. The other 90% should be you talking to normal people in your day and developing a good personality and ability to emotionally connect with people (vibing). Hot girls are not THAT different from the general population… if you are a cool guy with the rest of the world, you already have the 80% solution with hot girls. Compare this to the guy that waits until a decent girl accepts his approach to start testing out theories — it is going to take him A LOT longer to learn.
So how do you do it?
First, reprioritize based on a combination of Importance and Availability of Practice. Vibing well with complete strangers is both extremely important, and there is plentiful opportunities to practice it. Creating sexual tension is next in Importance, but the Availability to Practice is much less. Hang around some uglier girls until you get better at it, analyzing what exactly behind the scenes is causing that tension to be there. How is it gained, how is it lost? Logistics hardly need any practice, just studying at home. Together, being good at all of these will provide you PLENTIFUL opportunities to practice escalation, comfort building, and will show you just how little the approach actually matters.
I am still a firm believer that the best way to learn is to have a good coach with a solid, concise, framework that can help you see the big picture well before you go in — there is no way a newb can know what information he needs the most to bring him closest to his goal fastest. This allows you to see and interpret what is happening and get off on the right foot with your analysis and review. That doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be out there running approaches… but it that it shouldn’t be his primary source of calibrated learning.
Here, I have given a very very basic model, but a guy with good skill can break it down clearer than this. I personally am able to get a guy really good in about 2 months time, if he is focused, simply because I can show him where to direct his attention. Most of the time, we don’t even spend in set — I train him to read social situations and what is happening in my sets first, so he is mentally sharp first. Then when he finally goes ‘live’, he is already off to a HUGE head start. He may have AA, but his interactions are going to go well and so he will feel good. He can see what is happening because he has been practicing seeing it happen in other environments well before. He can read and sense a vibe, understand what people are thinking and feeling, and can read social status. All he has to do is start to learn the female specific parts of the interaction, the last 30%. And he’s going to have a TON of practice, now that the first 70% is there. That first 70% gives you the ability to learn as you go, to add more content to the game once the initial concept has been established as effective.
Unless you have a guy that knows what the end solution looks like, it will be hard to know exactly where to focus the largest amount of your effort. The obvious answer is ‘not on the approach’. However there is a lot of information only with someone experienced can clue you in on and give you the analytical framework to rapidly improve. That’s what I’m here for… feel free to reach out.
lartistesocial@yahoo.com
